Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure

After the success of the Pulitzer-nominated Count Von Blutkuchen Meets The Draculettes, we just knew we had to give Cracked readers another go at achieving short-lived internet fame.

We hit them up on Facebook and asked them to tell us what happened next in this harrowing story:

The townspeople gathered around the mysterious sinkhole that had cratered almost the entirety of Main Street. Nobody was injured, but they heard a faint, eerie laugh coming from the bottom of the seemingly bottomless fissure.

We assembled a team of two toddlers, a bored crab, and a dog named Brendan Fraser to arrange the responses and Photoshop them into ... something.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"They looked at each other and shrugged. Nothing ever happened in old Indianburialgroundville." -- Leta B.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"They wondered how they could possibly hear anything from the bottom of a seemingly bottomless fissure, but that was besides the point." -- James M.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"And then the laugh turned into many; before the townspeople knew it a cacophony of shrieks and giggles echoed out of the depths." -- Theresa C.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"A grizzled old cop and his rookie partner reached the spot to investigate." -- Azex N.

18

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"When everyone realized the police were giving out $500 tickets, the people tried to get away." -- Jennifer F.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"It was at that moment that Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot came from out of nowhere and shut that shit down. The hole disappeared and she used the force to shove everyone back in their homes." -- Brad D.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"We wish to apologize for that last joke. It was in poor taste and those responsible have been sacked. Let's put this behind us and continue with the story." -- Cody M.

15

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Someone from the crowd finally gathered the courage to yell, 'What's so funny?'" -- Landon S.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"A putrid stench rose from the hole and overwhelmed the townspeople." -- Stephanie O.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Closer inspection revealed it was Danny De Vito counting his wad of hundreds." -- Uzair I.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Brian rushed forward screaming and waving his arms frantically." -- Aaron D.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Ffffffuckin Carol Baskin!" -- Tadd D.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"One brave woman peered into the gaping maw and spied Jared Kushner's waxen visage staring upward." -- Yared C.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"And that's when the diarrhea struck." -- Keenan L.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Flames erupted from the sinkhole, and from the fire emerged a huge cloaked figure." -- Kendall B.

7

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"It was Elmo, and he had finally gone mad." -- Quentin B.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Combine the wet and dry ingredients and bake the cake. Next, stack the layers with the buttercream frosting and add decorations." -- Mark E.

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Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"Suddenly a cricket in a suit hopped out." -- Brad D.

4

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"It was Satan who, despite his dark, dreary persona, still has a jolly, lighter side." -- Fred J.

3

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"It was all a joke. This is some of that forced perspective street art." -- Cameron V.

2

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"He turned himself into a pickle." -- Chris K.

1

Cracked Storytime: Brian and the Seemingly Bottomless Fissure"And there was much rejoicing." -- Dustin N.

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