19 Ways Sex Used To Be Way, Way More Freaky

Safe for work, but probably not safe for family dinner conversation.
19 Ways Sex Used To Be Way, Way More Freaky

Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it.

If you've spent any time in the presence of parents (or worse, grandparents), you probably assume that previous generations were prim and proper and kept their hands in their laps and their ankles modestly crossed at all times. And sex was 100 percent squeaky-clean and discreet.

As it turns out, people in the past were as freaky as (and in some cases even more freaky than) we are now. Just consider these images, while trying to banish those aforementioned grandparents from your mind:

Goat eyelids (eyelashes and all) have been used as C ck rings throughout history. (You can buy them online...)
Members of China's Han dynasty (ruling from 206 BCE to 220 CE) had craftsmen make bespoke bronze dildos for them. Bronze dildo found in a king's tomb
CRACKED COM In ancient Constantinople, lemon juice was used in the vagina as a contraceptive. There was actually some validity to this; the acidity of
The first sex dolls can be traced back to the 17th century. Sailors of the time used cloth dolls, called dame de voyage in French, to, ahem, keep them
CRACKEDOON According to Pliny The EIder, Messalina, Empress of Rome 41-48 AD, would stray from Emperor Claudius' bed at night to offer her services as
This is a reusable condom from mid-20th century England. It had to be washed, dusted and dried after each use.
Ancient Taoism taught that sperm is the source of good health and physical strength. So in order for a male to retain said health and strength, they R
This 1930s' advertisement for the book EUGENICS AND SEX HARMONY promised a life free from the torturous shackles of sex ignorance, but only if you fol
Greek physician Soranus of Ephesus believed in contraception, through sneezing. He recommended that when a man is about to ejaculate the woman should
In 1750, a Frenchman and his donkey were put on trial for engaging in bestiality. FUN FACT: The parish priest testified to the virtuousness of the don
The Medieval church was a major c**k blocker. All sex was considered sinful, SO married couples were pressured to only have sex on specific days that
THE MERKIN MIGHT BE A FETISH ITEM THESE DAYS, BUT THEY WERE MORE COMMONLY USED DURING THE 15th CENTURY. PROSTITUTES WOULD SHAVE THEIR PUBIC HAIR TO CO
During the Victorian Era, dancing after sexual intercourse was thought to be an effective contraceptive method. According to physiologist Eugene Beckl
From 1757 to 1795, there was an annual pocket publication in London called Harris's List of Covent-Garden Ladies: or, Man of Pleasure's Kalendar. HARR
In the conservative 1920s, people found a way to get frisky without having sex. They had petting parties where men and women mingled in clubs, cuddl
In medieval Japanese Buddhist temples, older monks having sex with young novices was normal and widespread. A scroll from 1321, showing two Buddhist m
Psychologist Havelock Ellis documented in his book Psychology of Sex that Catherine The Great employed royal foot ticklers who would sing her dirty
The rectal dilator. or what we now call a butt plug, was invented in the late 18th century. PILES IN AND CONSTIPATION The best results may be obtained
A FAMOUS SOVIET ARTIST PUBLISHED A 1931 BOOK THAT TAUGHT THE ALPHABET WITH PICTURES OF NAKED PEOPLE TWISTING THEMSELVES INTO THE SHAPES OF LETTERS. It
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?