Cracked Archive - News

Guy Who Claims To Be Second Coming of Christ Arrested In Russia

The second coming of Christ as an ex-traffic cop was not on my 2020 bingo, but here we are I guess.


Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' Works As A Stealth Lesbian Love Song

Seriously folks, that Jolene is one fine looking gal.


Who Is Responsible For The First Selfie? A Scientific Investigation

Seriously, is it Reese Witherspoon? Some dead guy from the 1800s? My mom?


Asbestos, Canada Struggles to Find a Name Better Than 'Asbestos'

Intercourse, Pennsylvania has some stiff competition.


The Mods of New Jersey's Official Twitter Account Deserves A Raise

Yes, the northeastern state of New Jersey, lovingly dubbed 'The Armpit of America' has a crackerjack Twitter.


5 Recent News Stories Which Wound Up Having Bizarre Twists

Stories keep evolving, revealing layer after layer of weirdness.


Flights To Nowhere Are Now A Thing Because 2020

All the stress of air travel, without any of the vacation destinations!


The Actual Reason Costco's Hot Dog And Soda Combo Is $1.50

Several billion years from now, a hot dog and a soda will cost $1.50 at Costco.


Ruth Bader Ginsburg Played Fantasy Baseball (And Talked Trash)

Even RBG had her savage moments, especially when it came to fantasy sports.


A Bunny Expert Classifying Rabbits Is Oddly Hypnotic, Wholesome

Sometimes you just gotta watch a calm man talk about the roundness of little bunnies.


'Hype Houses' Are Just Zoomer Communes

I'll take 'Late-Stage Capitalism' for 500, Alex.


Broke Rat-Man Chuck E. Cheese Seeks To Destroy 7 Billion Prize Tickets

That's almost enough for one large stuffed animal!


Taco Bell Now Sells 'Jalapeño Noir' Wine Because Reality Is Melting

There's so much to taco 'bout here, folks.