Cracked Archive - News

Guy Who Claims To Be Second Coming of Christ Arrested In Russia

The second coming of Christ as an ex-traffic cop was not on my 2020 bingo, but here we are I guess.

11

Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' Works As A Stealth Lesbian Love Song

Seriously folks, that Jolene is one fine looking gal.

27

Who Is Responsible For The First Selfie? A Scientific Investigation

Seriously, is it Reese Witherspoon? Some dead guy from the 1800s? My mom?

10

Asbestos, Canada Struggles to Find a Name Better Than 'Asbestos'

Intercourse, Pennsylvania has some stiff competition.

22

The Mods of New Jersey's Official Twitter Account Deserves A Raise

Yes, the northeastern state of New Jersey, lovingly dubbed 'The Armpit of America' has a crackerjack Twitter.

14

5 Recent News Stories Which Wound Up Having Bizarre Twists

Stories keep evolving, revealing layer after layer of weirdness.

57

Flights To Nowhere Are Now A Thing Because 2020

All the stress of air travel, without any of the vacation destinations!

12

The Actual Reason Costco's Hot Dog And Soda Combo Is $1.50

Several billion years from now, a hot dog and a soda will cost $1.50 at Costco.

36

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Played Fantasy Baseball (And Talked Trash)

Even RBG had her savage moments, especially when it came to fantasy sports.

24

A Bunny Expert Classifying Rabbits Is Oddly Hypnotic, Wholesome

Sometimes you just gotta watch a calm man talk about the roundness of little bunnies.

10

'Hype Houses' Are Just Zoomer Communes

I'll take 'Late-Stage Capitalism' for 500, Alex.

18

Broke Rat-Man Chuck E. Cheese Seeks To Destroy 7 Billion Prize Tickets

That's almost enough for one large stuffed animal!

28

Taco Bell Now Sells 'Jalapeño Noir' Wine Because Reality Is Melting

There's so much to taco 'bout here, folks.

23