Phyllis Should Have Been 'The Office' Manager

If you're anything like me, then by your 5,087th binge viewing of The Office, you begin to wonder two things: 1) Can I get Grubhub flown in through my bedroom window? 2) Why wasn't Phyllis ever considered for the regional manager position? The answer to the first question is sadly no (I tried, and they only offered to shot put it onto my driveway), but the second question still remains a mystery. 

Seriously, just about every main character from the Scranton branch was elevated into or at least considered for some type of management position except, inexplicably, for Phyllis. At some point, Dwight, Andy, Jim, and even Creed all took turns as regional manager. Stanley was considered for the role by Michael in the "Beach Games" episode, Pam is promoted to office coordinator, Kelly enters the minority executive training program, Darryl gets an office upstairs and is considered for a manager position, and Ryan is promoted from temp to the freaking vice president. Yet, through all of this, Phyllis gets nothing? Sure, neither does Meredith, but Meredith continuously flashes her coworkers and trades sex for paper sales and bloomin' onions 

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Phyllis is perfectly qualified for the management position. We know she has seniority because she repeatedly reminds Michael that they are the same age. Her sales numbers are middling, but they're better than Andy's, and he was promoted to manager twice. So why wasn't Phyllis even offered the job? Maybe it was sexism. Perhaps she just let it be known that she didn't want to do it. But whatever the reason, it's hard to understand why, by series end, they would go for Dwight, a guy who's a walking lawsuit waiting to happen ...

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Meanwhile, the biggest issue with Phyllis is that she kinda smells sometimes.

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Which, great, put her in her own confined office space, and now you've knocked out two stinky birds with one promotion. Then think about all the other qualities Phyllis brings to the role. She's well connected -- everyone knows the Vances in Scranton -- and she's passive-aggressive, which is the perfect way to keep this particular group of employees in line without running afoul of HR.

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Yes, Phyllis is exceptionally average, but that's what makes her so perfect for managing a mid-level paper supply company. You don't want someone like Dwight who's going to burn everyone out and/or burn the building to the ground, and you don't want someone like Andy who's so incompetent that he could leave for three months without anyone noticing. You want someone like Phyllis who's happy enough to throw good office parties and keep the malcontents in line with a little bit of blackmail

Seriously, is this not every manager from every office job you've ever had?

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Top Image: NBC

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