A Dinosaur Fan, Armed With Blades, Was Convinced Steven Spielberg "Wanted" Him To Rape Him
We at Cracked have long observed the booming field of dinosaur erotica with great appreciation. Every time you hear about a new fetish, you have to balance your reaction between "Ah! That's hilarious!" and "Ew. That's creepy," but not so with dinophilia. The dino fetishist, you see, has no chance of acting on their fantasy because dinosaurs don't exist, and anyway, the T. rex's arms are so short. In that sense, dinosaur fans are the least sexually threatening people of all. Or so we thought, until we learned of Jonathan Norman.
Norman indeed liked dinosaurs, judging by the all the cutout pictures of dinosaurs police found in his car when they arrested him in 1997, and from the car's Jurassic Park decal. He also really liked Steven Spielberg. In fact, he believed Spielberg wanted Norman to rape him. To which you might say, "Norman, that's not what 'rape' means," but Norman understood the basics of what rape means just fine, which was why he repeatedly tried breaking into Spielberg's home armed with a knife, razor blades, handcuffs, and masking tape. Prosecutors called his arsenal a rape kit. To which you might say, "Prosecutor, that's not what 'rape kit' means," but you get what they meant, and to make the proposed crime even grimmer, the perp carried a list of Spielberg's family and friends.
Norman's plan, said police, was to tie up the whole family and then have his way with Spielberg while his wife watched. After his second failed break-in attempt, however, police caught sight of him and gave chase. We're still talking about this case 20 years later because the target was the famous Steven Spielberg, but at the time, don't think this case got extra publicity because of the victim's fame. Just the opposite happened: Spielberg's people tried their best to keep it quiet, and the Los Angeles Times had to launch a special investigation over the course of months to figure out what was going on.
Spielberg, in Ireland to shoot Saving Private Ryan, later became paranoid that his stalker might have followed him overseas. What if he had disguised himself as one of the film's many extras? What if he used a costume to conceal a gun and approached the director armed? But those fears came to end when Norman was sentenced to 25 years and wound up in a mental health facility. Which means he's due to be released in, oh, a couple more years now, by which time Jurassic World: Dominion will be the big dino movie.
A Crazy Canadian Failed To Prove Keanu Reeves Fathered Her Children (Then Accused Him Of Hypnosis)
Keanu Reeves grew up in Toronto. That much is fact. But if you believe the account of fellow Ontarian Karen Sala -- and, let's just say this upfront, you absolutely should not believe the account of Ontarian Karen Sala -- he did not go by "Keanu Reeves" back then. He called himself Marty Spencer and various other names, under which he forged a long sexual relationship with Karen Sala. Sometimes, he came to her in disguise, sometimes as her husband. He fathered one or more of her four children and was present (in disguise) at one or more of their births.