The internet has resurfaced a Nintendo ad from eight years ago featuring Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones (Who you absolutely are not. You're Charlotte, deal with it.) from Sex And The City. The famous HBO character confesses she's found a new way of enjoying her spare time. "I go on magical adventures with a certain Mario," she says, in that weird NY/NJ "Mare-rio" pronunciation, before adding, "And guess what? He's totally into dressing up. That Tanooki suit is my particular favorite."
We're not sure what Samantha plans to do to Mario in that suit, but based on her tone in the ad, we're confident that it's not rated E for Everyone.
Who knows why it's taken so long for this ad to go viral or the Internet to realize the potential of a Super Mario - Sex And The City crossover. But now that it's here we want more. Give us a game where Peach, Daisy, Toadette, and Rosalina explore New Donk City, looking for love and adventure. No longer will Peach settle for any old plumber who comes along to save her. She wants a guy who takes her to dinner and who will shower after jumping into sewer pipes leading to underground caverns. There are 120 eligible bachelors to meet in New Donk City, and whether they are Koopas, Goombas, or dudes with a bed frame, these ladies are going to try and date all of them. (And then blog about it afterward.)
Or give us a new movie where Samantha meets the enigmatic Mario. "I like a little dirty talk," Samantha tells him. "Wah wah wahooo!" Mario says back. He's not much of a talker, but Samantha doesn't mind because then he takes a mushroom, and suddenly, the ladies have a new "Mr. Big" to brag about. Carrie, meanwhile, has a date with Shyguy, who she worries might be too shy, while Charlotte tries to help Wario overcome his coke addiction. In the end, they all learn that the ability to break bricks with your skull is no substitute for good conversation, and Samantha makes some pretty unsavory remarks about Italians.
Come on, HBO and Nintendo. What do you say? Please, can you throw us a game, or a show, or even another commercial? Hell, we'll even take just Miranda smacking Bowser upside the head in Super Smash Bros. What's the harm in a little cameo?
Oh. Well played then.
Dan is on Twitter and will talk about life with you in lieu of getting a therapist and he also hosts The Bachelor Zone Podcast, where you can hear him give a sports-style breakdown of all things happening on The Bachelor.
Top Image: HBO